A goodbye

She stared at him accurately, realizing how mind taking he looked while he is asleep, realizing that it is the last time she will see him. a tear fell crawling on her soft pale cheek as she sobbed quietly, covering her mouth not making any sound that would wake him up, she covered him cautiously and placed a soft kiss on his forehead for that very last time, she looked at the letter between her ice cold hands and whispered in a cracked voice 

"I'm sorry, but I have my reasons." 

She deeply inhaled her favourite smell; his smell

"Supreme Oud" by Ralph Lauren filled her nostrils making her shiver. She rotated the door's knob and left…

 

/His point of view/

 

The morning sunlight fell on the lonely window making it glow; I opened my eyes and stretched my hands willing to feel her lying next to me, but all I felt was the bed sheets.  

 She is probably downstairs preparing some "French Toast" with strawberries dipped in nutella on the side, my favourite. I managed to get out of bed, open the window up, allowing the fresh air to fill the room while I walk towards the door, a white paper caught my attention, and I grabbed it.

 

-

Dear you, 

You have shown me what love is and what it feels like to be loved. Every time you kissed me and our lips touched so softly, I could feel it. I got the same magical feeling as our first kiss. I could feel it when our hearts get so close they are beating as one.

You are the beat of my heart, the soul in my body; you are I, because without you I am nothing. I love you, You are the person I know I could turn to when I needed help, you are the person I looked at when I needed to smile and you are the person I went to when I needed a hug. When I am away, it is as if I have left my soul at your side.

You have shown me how to live and you have shown me how to be truly happy. I want you to know that every time I smile, you have put it there. You make me smile when others cannot; you make me feel warm when I am cold. You have shown me so much love and so much more. I want you to know how much you mean to me. You are my whole world and I love you with all my heart. You are my happiness. Every night I spent away, I had a photo of you on my headboard. Each night I would go to bed, kiss my fingers then touch your face. I put the photo over my bed so you could look over me as I sleep. I want to say something and I mean this more than I ever did before. You were the love of my life, the man of my dreams.

Just because I have walked away does not mean I will forget you. No, I would never forget you.

I am extremely sorry but I need to leave and it is for your own goods.

I am sorry

Do not try to contact me.

Your love

ox

-

 

 

With every word I read my heart shattered into pieces, I was looking at those words unable to finish the rest, I was afraid to read more and my heart shatters into more pieces, I sat on the edge of the bed, many thoughts filled my mind, many flashbacks came through

Why would she leave?

Why was it for my own good? 

 

It killed me because she did not know that she should stay for my own good because, somehow I did find myself with her and without her, I cannot define myself. 

The memories, her words on my mind, her beautiful face and smile, her sad & happy face once in a time and her adorable caring heart. 

 

I stopped thinking for a minute and started to think about our place, the place where everything, the place where I confessed my love to her, the place where I proposed to her.

“With this ring, I give you my heart I promise from this day forward, you shall not walk alone, may my heart be your shelter, and my arms to be your home” those were her words on our honeymoon…

 

 

I decided to go there every day, maybe she would stop by.  I remember sitting on that bench, side to side, facing the sea while the cold breeze played with her long caramel hair, I remember the last time when she sang for me, oh god! A beautiful voice she got. 

Memories hit me so hard.

However, I never gave up, I kept on waiting for her, waiting for the day she would come and pull me so close to her that I would feel her heart beats against my chest, and give me that warm tight hug. 

Our bodies fit perfectly together as we were created for each other. 

 

 

"I miss her already and I'll always wait for her, I'd never give up on her."

 

 

-

The smell of her perfume was filling the room and my nostrils, is she here? 

I rushed out of bed as fast as I can, and called her name several times but no answer, looked for her everywhere but, no one. My smile did not fade away not even a second. I was hoping for the best.

I got into the kitchen and stared at our picture from last year that was stuck on the fridge's door. She is so beautiful, her caramel hair, her hazel eyes, her pointy nose, her fully pink lips. Everything about her is just perfect. Soft tiny hands covered my eyes turning my vision to darkness, I touched those hands, and I knew them. 

It is her hands.

I was extremely happy that she is back; I knew she would.

I turned around to face her, oh god how much I have missed her. I was about to pull her for a hug.

 

Nevertheless, my alarm took me back to reality;

It was only dream. A beautiful one

It has been a miserable month, and I know nothing about her, thirty days passed and all I know is that she is somewhere away from me,

They keep telling me to forget, to let her go. How? It is all part of me, sh is my soul-mate and my everything

 

 

The sun hung beautifully in the sky as it brightened the whole area. The reflection swayed beautifully on the calm sea waves. The smell of the sea swan through my nostrils giving me the urge to just forget everything and jump, the breeze sent chills along my spine as it slowly tickled the back of my neck. The leaves rustled as the wind pushed through them and the small trees swayed back and forth. It was a beautiful day spent alone without her. I was craving "Vanilla flavoured and chocolate ice creams swirled with a caramel ribbon" her favourite ice cream flavour from BR.

 

 

/Flashback/

 

"Honeeeyy, I'm so craving ice cream right now." She gave me a puppy innocent look. 

"BR is steps away, let's go." I extended my hands for her to hold them and she did, we walked for couple of minutes, and finally we arrived.

-

Her eyes were glued on the menu in confusion, not knowing what to order. 

"Hello ma'am, what can I get you?" The waiter's voice distracted her thoughts. 

"Oh hey, can I have one?" She looked at me and said sweetly "baby? You want one?"

I smiled; it is so different when she says it, how much I love her when she does. 

"Yea, the same order as yours beautiful." I winked and her cheeks turned into shades of red.

"You're such a cute couples are you guys married?" The waiter looked at us.

"Haha thank you, yes we are, and now I'd like to have two "Vanilla flavoured and chocolate ice creams swirled with a caramel ribbon" She said with a toothy smile plastered on her angelic face. 

"Here you go ma'am, enjoy it." He said handing her the ice cream.

We paid and walked towards a park that was beside BR, it was filled with adorable cute kids. Playing, laughing around. 

 

 

She kept longing for that one thing, that one thing that God would not grant her with.

 

/Reality/

 

I got into BR and ordered myself an ice cream, with each lick I took I remembered her; she is always there in my mind. I headed to that park and spotted a young woman, same height, body, style, and that long wavy caramel hair. 

Was it her?

I tiptoed closer to her, I was not able to see her face, the place was too crowed. Kids were running all around. 

"Hello?" I said, praying it is her

 

 

She turned and looked at me; it was not her.

"Sorry do I know you?" She replied in confusion.

"Umm sorry you looked familiar." I walked away with a broken heart, I thought I finally found her but life has many surprises. 

 

 

 

 

Days passed by, and I have lost hope, I really did.

I cannot force her to stay if she is not willing to; I really miss her but what can I do? She promised me that she would never leave; she promised me that she would be by my side no matter what goes wrong.

Was it all a lie? I do not think so, all we had was real, and it was not a lie. 

"All we had is gone now."

 

 

 

 

Negative thoughts were getting over my mind. 

You said you loved me,

However, you broke my heart.

You said you would love me forever,

So why are we apart?

 

 

-

The weather was beautiful, I decided to take a run through the woods, all you can see is nature without interference by humankind, and you hear the wind going through the trees. You feel how fresh the air is and you can smell many different scents like plants, flowers.

I attached my headphones into my ears and pressed, "Shuffle"

"All of me by John Legend" was playing.

I raised the volume up and ran nonstop, until I bumped into a young figure.

 

"I'm so sorry, are you okay?" I helped her up.

"It's okay."

Her eyes met mine, 

 

 

"You describe your eyes as hazel

However, they are so much more

Your eyes are not merely a colour

A shade; a hue

Your eyes are the reflection 

Of a sunset upon the ocean

Your eyes are my favourite flower

Blossoming a season too soon

Your eyes are the final firework

Of a beautiful display

Your eyes are the reoccurring dream

That I will just never forget

Your eyes are the door to your soul

And the window to my hope

Your eyes are so much more

Than hazel

Your eyes

Are my everything"

 

 

 

 

 

/Her point of view/

 

He stared at me for minutes and pulled me towards him and I wrapped my arms around him, I buried my face in his chest.

"Sshh" he whispered into my hair, He squeezed me so tightly it hurts a little, but I do not mind. It feels good. 

"I'm not mad at you." He said. I know that I look horrible, my eyes are sweeping up and my hair is sticking to my face "but I-" I swallowed hard, took deep breaths in and out. "I left you and walked away."

Tears found their way down my cheeks. He placed a hand on a side of my face, wiped the tears away with his thumb. "Don’t cry, okay? No more crying." He kissed the tip of my nose lightly, then took one of my hands and said, "Everything has a reason."

 

"I wanted you to move on, and find that woman that one day shell turn into a mother and you'll turn into a father too, I can't deprival you from hearing the word "daddy.", I wanted you to have a family, and you can't have it with me okay? I'm really sorry but you will never be a father if you're with me, I'm asking you to move on, this is some kind of torture to you." I could not control my tears anymore. He "shh-ed" and wiped the tears away and said "you don't cry again, as long as you're with me, I'm fine and I'm so lucky to have you darling, don't you know how blessed am I? I have always known how much you have loved kids and how much you've wanted one, but that's life right? You can't just give up on everything and leave right? I missed you honey."

"I missed you more but you have to think, this choice will change your whole life, don't be in a hurry you'll regret it later." I said 

"But-" I cut him and added "think, I have to go now, when you think about it contact me on this new number ********, stay safe."

"I love you and I won't change my choice nor mind." I replied 

 

 

The "I love you" brought many memories back that made me smile.

I smiled and walked away. 

He does not deserve all of this.

 

/His point of view/

 

Her smile took me to another world, a world full of happiness and joy, her smile does so many things it brightens up my day, her smile is like a promise that things will be okay, her smile is all I really need to ease fear, disappointment or doubt, and her smile lightens my heart and my whole world. 

Days passed and I kept on thinking about it, my answer never changed until that day.

 

 

/flashback/

 

I was sitting on that bench staring at the kids; a four years old kid came running towards me shouting with that childish beautiful voice.

"Daaad" he placed his tiny hands over my arms. I looked deeply into his blue eyes, speechless. I couldn't believe that I wouldn’t  hear this word, I couldn't believe that I won't be a father, I wouldn't be. 

 

Will this change my answer? 

 

I'm not forced to stay with a wife who can't grant me with a child, I'm not forced to live without kids, I'm not forced to be unhappy for the rest of my life.

She asked me to think and I guess I have changed my mind; it's one of my rights to be a father. I should get married. 

 

The kid distracted my thoughts. "You said you'll get me an ice cream?" his innocent look, killed me. 

"But I'm not---" someone interrupted me. 

"Steven what are you doing? Come here." An anonymous man stood looking at me 

"But uncle, he looks like dad." Steven replied 

"I'm very sorry dude, Steven let's go." He said and walked away.

 

 

 

 

 

Looking at the children took me back to my negative thoughts, but I still love her I really do and I want to spend my whole life with her, she's so special to me and I don't even know why. 

What was on my mind when I said I needed go get married? Seemed that I lost my mind. I seriously need to call and ask her to meet me near the sea. Our usual place, I cannot wait anymore I contacted her and asked her to meet me near the sea by 8pm. It is 7:30pm now and I cannot take it anymore I want to meet her and tell her how much I love her and how much I missed her. She is everything to me.

 

I approached the sea and looked everywhere for that angel, she was sitting on our usual bench staring at me, waiting for me to stare back. I looked at her; she is so beautiful. 

 

 

I took some steps to reach her,

"Good evening beauty queen." I greeted her; she turned red. Oh that tomato face, I adore.

"Good evening, have a seat." She smiled. 

I sat and gazed into her eyes "my decision is still the same and will always remain the same, We can live happily without kids as long as we're together, I always wanted a child but we can't do anything about it right? It is not in our hands darling. I truly love you, you are everything to me, and you are my whole life. And I promise I'll always be by your side no matter what goes wrong between us, you angel from heaven I adore you." I said 

 

 

 

/Her point of view/

 

I am so speechless I have no idea what to say nor how to react, how he could agree with living with a woman that would never grant him with a child. He is unbelievable.

He grabbed my hands and kissed them gently, a tear fell from my eyes. I was so stupid why did I leave I'm so stupid..

"In those couple of days I've realized that I can't live without you, I'm so stupid to leave you, and I love you okay? I really do and I promise I would never leave you again honey, I'm so in love with you handsome," I giggled 

 

"Promise?" He whispered 

"Promise." I inhaled.